Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
