Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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