I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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