i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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