I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Life is so much better after having sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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