Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
