I don't usually arrange sex via text message
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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