you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
