I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
