I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
