Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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