You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
