There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
