I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
