I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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