Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You need a sexual gate keeper
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
