I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
