im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
