Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
