He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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