sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
