I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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