the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
