I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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