Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
