I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
