I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
