I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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