return my video game
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
