man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
