I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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