it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
