Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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