wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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