Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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