I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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