you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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