you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
