hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
