Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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