Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
