i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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