She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
