She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
