i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
