I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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