Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
