Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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