I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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