i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's JV to your varsity
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
