____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
