were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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