I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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