addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
