Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
