Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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