Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
